It’s a fearful thing, to lose
something in your life. It’s more dreadful, if that “something” you’ve lost is
an essential part of your life. When overwhelmed by such loss, we are all prone
to misery, being enervated, and most importantly, losing passion in life
itself. We are thus, mind boggled by the overwhelming worries ‘Can I still be
defined as the same me?’ A pedestrian walking through forest in winter would
feel similar: the loss of leaves make the tree to seem barren, as if a loss of
“something” would make a person to languish.
As I recall, it was a fine
morning, sunny, just like any regular day. I woke up, and tried to wake my roommates
for morning attendance in our dormitory. That moment, I couldn’t speak. At
first, I simply thought I had a sore throat, but no. When I tried to say a
word, something itchy in vocal cords blocked me from speaking. Yes, obviously,
it did hurt very much, but what was even more fearful was the worries I had
about the potential risk of vocal nodules- a disease rooted from severe overuse
or misuse of vocal cords. Vocal nodules, from common knowledge, occur
frequently among singers, yet it is still a crucial disease if not treated
properly.
The main reason I feared vocal
nodules was because of the fear of losing my favorite hobby: rapping in a school
hip hop club. To elaborate, it was not just a mere hobby: it was what I could
communicate with my friends, what I could take a rest from overwhelming burden
of incessant studies, and what I could most enjoy when I am trying to rest.
Moreover, I have been doing this, not just in high school, but also in middle
school. Not only I have gained great joy from rapping, but also this has now
become an integral part of me: I thought it was one of the definitions of being
‘me’. Considering that since my school is a dormitory school, I couldn’t go to
see the doctor for regular vocal nodules treatment. Therefore, if the
throat-hurting symptom was really because of vocal nodules, I might have had to
give up something that is part of me.
Then, I turned on my labtop, and
searched the symptom of vocal nodules. As with despair, the symptom of mine was
in verisimilitude with the symptom suggested in the internet. That instance, my
mind simply went white. Until then, I have never lost something that is invaluable
in my life. My family and my friends are all well, and though there were some
difficult times in my life, I considered my life was in running rather
smoothly. Now, however, I was confronted with a big obstacle.
Luckily, the tiny bit of last
optimism inside me, I believe, became the cure. Of course it was painstaking
effort, since I did not speak a single word for exactly twelve days,
communicating with others through writing or simple hand gestures. Though I
could not scream or yell out to others after not talking, I was able to carry
out basic communications. Though, I could not participate in a small concert
held by our hip hop club (which really enervated me), I still, after some time,
could regain my voice and stand up on stage for another, and a bigger concert.
From then on, I realized the importance of managing my voice condition by
heart.
The end.(though not quite finished)
