Great Apologies- Metafiction Essay

Okay. To clear things up, there’s nothing I have done wrong. Nothing. Maybe some people might believe that I am an extreme pervert, or many others might believe that I have a detrimental mental disease. No. That’s not true, nor justifiable. I never intended to poop and play pranks in a girl’s bathroom. Never.

I am, at least until now, a normal student in KMLA. KMLA is a great school: there are geeks, geniuses, great athletes, and even awesome singers. All these diverse students reside in a white, tall dormitory. One sad thing about this school is that students are overloaded with assignments. I am not an exception: Yesterday, I had to stay until 3 a.m. and prepare for Biology quiz, which requires a lot of memorizing. It’s not that I hate biology, but the thing is that I do not like memorizing, at all. Then I had to wake up at 6 am, put on a coat, and jog 4km in our school’s field track. That was tiresome ENOUGH for me. Really, sleeping for only 3 hours, and running 4 kilometers in freezing dawn is a definite torture. This ongoing torture throughout the semester is what put me into a big trouble. So now, let me tell you my excuses, that I am NOT a pervert.

Last night, as I was preparing for my biology quiz, I felt extremely enervated by incessant assignments in KMLA. Simply, I could not focus. All those cell diagrams seemed like a jelly, and I found myself dosing off every moment I read a paragraph. So, I tried to stay awake by listening to the new song of Eminem : the rap god. Usually, this song was my favorite, but last night, this song felt extremely dreadful to me. The fact of using this lovely song as a mere tool for helping me to stay up late, and trying to get a good score for one of numerous assignments was awful. Anyway, I digress: I believe all that exhaustion and feeling of awfulness made my brain to malfunction today. After taking the biology quiz, I felt the desperate need to poop.

‘Did I eat something wrong yesterday?’

So I ran into a bathroom near me, without checking the gender type, and started to outlet the ‘things’ inside my stomach. I locked the door of the toilet, as usual. Surely, it’s not “gentlemen-ish” to unlock the door and poop. Then, I found something written on the door.

But dear, please recall when your heart longs for me
That you were the center of this bitterness, a spring of blue,
When your introspective glasses fail to serve you anymore,
Waste some time over blaming yourself and your deeds
For as Sartre said, "Other people are hell" with such integrity
You were a permanent bell for me, a stake with fire

It was a sweet, touching poem. So I decided to continue reading.

Wish everyone was like Mr. Tame
I miss him, really
So I sing this song
What's your name, Mr. Tame
May I tame you, Mr. Tame
I wish we were the same
Just imagine it's a game
It would be such a shame
If you came back Mr. Tame

Then, I burst out into laughter. Mr. Tame was our biology teacher, and I bet someone who hates biology, just like me, wanted to make joke out of him. I was expecting more joke on Mr. Tame, so again, I continued reading.

Friends should be just friends
Don't make love
You're my love, boy~

I can be friend with you, boy
I really love you, boy
I can give you such a joy
I can be your toy
Please be a friend with me, boy
It will be such a glory

‘What kind of weird poem is this?’ I was expecting a mockery on Mr. Tame, but the poem suddenly turned into a homosexual love story.

Should we play a game, boy?
Called the fire-fighter's car game, it is boy
Call the red-light if you feel endangered, boy
Call it on the top of your lungs, boy
But one thing, boy
The fire truck does not stop at red, boy
You are forever my toy, boy

‘Oh, my god. This poem is so inappropriate.’

I recalled the moment when I played fire-fighter’s car game with my best friend, Antonio. Antonio, as a hater of homosexuality, almost freaked out when we played this game together. Recalling those moments, I couldn't help myself but to turn on the music and dance. I know it sounds strange, but reading such a hilarious (and definitely weird) poem, I couldn’t help myself but to dance. Though I made a mistake of not washing my butt entirely, I was enjoying myself, until when

“Urr… Who’s in there?”

Now, this was the moment where I should have had my mouth shut. Unfortunately, I didn’t. I thought it was Antonio trying to play prank on me.

“Hey, Antonio~ Do you want to play the fire-fighter car game?”

“Urr… I am first of all, not Antonio, and secondly, the fire-fighter car game is for boys. Now whoever you are, please get out of the toilet, because I am urgent.”

“No, no Antonio. I want to play the game with you. Come on, Antonio.”

“Seriously, this is girl’s bathroom, and if you keep on playing the homosexual prank, I am going to talk to the school counselor.”

Then all of the sudden, my mind went blank. Did she just say ‘girl’s bathroom’? I started to worry about all possible scenarios: none of them was good. I could not think of a single plan to escape from this situation. So, I just decided to confess.

“Umm… whoever you are, I want to say that all I am doing is not on purpose. I think I accidentally came into another gender’s bathroom, where I should have been in the men’s bathroom.”

The rest, I do not want to say no more. Definitely, I had a long time talking with my parents, the school counselor, and the school principle. Not only that, but I feel that girls are starting to avoid me. How shameful. Blame Mr. Tame and his dreadful biology quizes.

Please, for what I’ve done, please forgive me.

I beg you, sincerely.

Advertisement Essay - 2nd draft

<Doritos Super Bowl XLVII Commercial - 2012 Winner> 

     Advertisements, as I believe, are fuels for creativity. As creativity is an intrinsic value mankind pursues, some successful advertisements are spotlighted by people. For instance, in the Super Bowl, which is one of the most renowned sports events in the United States, numerous advertisements captivate people’s minds, and some even become the talk of the town after. As an exemple, I found a Doritos Super Bowl XLVII commercial from 2012. This advertisement is very appealing in three aspects: the effective use of pathos and logos, and the appropriate use of comedy.

     To begin with, this advertisement effectively persuades the viewers by using cogent pathos. The video is very sexually sensitive toward men: it features a nude woman partly covered by Doritos, and is supplemented by romantic background music and setting, which is a bedroom. A glamorous woman in bed next to a man, classical music with smooth cadence, and the white bedroom all corroborate into building a romantic and sweet atmosphere. All these features can be interpreted as symbols of love between men and women. These features induce male viewers to focus primarily not on the quality of Doritos, but on the romantic ambience of the advertisement itself. Such effects lure male viewers to buy impulsively, as they are captivated by the sweet mood. Considering that the viewers of the Super Bowl are generally male, the advertisement’s effective use of such features targeting men can be said to be very efficient.

     Moreover, not only does this advertisement appeal to emotion, it also sticks to plausible logic, which is that Doritos are even more desirable than visually attractive girls. In the video, a nearly naked women covered with Doritos is displayed right next to a man. However, in the scene, the man does not care much about the woman; rather, his entire focus is on eating the Doritos. In the kissing scene between the man and the woman, the man does not kiss the woman, but takes the bite from the woman’s Doritos. This action is contrasting to general behaviors of kissing scene. By using the contrast, the advertisement succeeds in delivering the message that eating Doritos is sweeter than kissing a beautiful woman right next to you.

     Besides the effective use of pathos and logos, the advertisement also brings an unexpected comedy, which brings laughter. In the advertisement, the person the man thought he was kissing was not a glamorous woman, but a friend who was watching the Super Bowl. As the man kisses his friend, they both stare awkwardly at each other for a short period of time, which brings laughter to the audience. Such usage of comedy shifts mood from romantic and sweet to hilarious. Thus, the advertisement also implies that Doritos is a convenient snack, not entirely a snack overwhelmed by its sweet aspects. Considering that snacks are generally the food of middle-class people, being convenient is one of the important characteristics of a good snack. From this, I believe that the commercial’s effective use of comedy was a proper choice.

     To conclude, this commercial was very effective in that it used proper pathos, logos, and comedy. The romantic mood and the hilarious moments are well blended to form a persuasive and coherent Doritos advertisement. I believe that this advertisement is one of the best I ever saw, and should definitely be highlighted once more. (558)