The Last Time I Lose My Voice

It’s a fearful thing, to lose something in your life. It’s more dreadful, if that “something” you’ve lost is an essential part of your life. When overwhelmed by such loss, we are all prone to misery, being enervated, and most importantly, losing passion in life itself. We are thus, mind boggled by the overwhelming worries ‘Can I still be defined as the same me?’ A pedestrian walking through forest in winter would feel similar: the loss of leaves make the tree to seem barren, as if a loss of “something” would make a person to languish.

As I recall, it was a fine morning, sunny, just like any regular day. I woke up, and tried to wake my roommates for morning attendance in our dormitory. That moment, I couldn’t speak. At first, I simply thought I had a sore throat, but no. When I tried to say a word, something itchy in vocal cords blocked me from speaking. Yes, obviously, it did hurt very much, but what was even more fearful was the worries I had about the potential risk of vocal nodules- a disease rooted from severe overuse or misuse of vocal cords. Vocal nodules, from common knowledge, occur frequently among singers, yet it is still a crucial disease if not treated properly.

The main reason I feared vocal nodules was because of the fear of losing my favorite hobby: rapping in a school hip hop club. To elaborate, it was not just a mere hobby: it was what I could communicate with my friends, what I could take a rest from overwhelming burden of incessant studies, and what I could most enjoy when I am trying to rest. Moreover, I have been doing this, not just in high school, but also in middle school. Not only I have gained great joy from rapping, but also this has now become an integral part of me: I thought it was one of the definitions of being ‘me’. Considering that since my school is a dormitory school, I couldn’t go to see the doctor for regular vocal nodules treatment. Therefore, if the throat-hurting symptom was really because of vocal nodules, I might have had to give up something that is part of me.

Then, I turned on my labtop, and searched the symptom of vocal nodules. As with despair, the symptom of mine was in verisimilitude with the symptom suggested in the internet. That instance, my mind simply went white. Until then, I have never lost something that is invaluable in my life. My family and my friends are all well, and though there were some difficult times in my life, I considered my life was in running rather smoothly. Now, however, I was confronted with a big obstacle.

Luckily, the tiny bit of last optimism inside me, I believe, became the cure. Of course it was painstaking effort, since I did not speak a single word for exactly twelve days, communicating with others through writing or simple hand gestures. Though I could not scream or yell out to others after not talking, I was able to carry out basic communications. Though, I could not participate in a small concert held by our hip hop club (which really enervated me), I still, after some time, could regain my voice and stand up on stage for another, and a bigger concert. From then on, I realized the importance of managing my voice condition by heart.

The end.(though not quite finished)