Great Apologies- Metafiction Essay

Okay. To clear things up, there’s nothing I have done wrong. Nothing. Maybe some people might believe that I am an extreme pervert, or many others might believe that I have a detrimental mental disease. No. That’s not true, nor justifiable. I never intended to poop and play pranks in a girl’s bathroom. Never.

I am, at least until now, a normal student in KMLA. KMLA is a great school: there are geeks, geniuses, great athletes, and even awesome singers. All these diverse students reside in a white, tall dormitory. One sad thing about this school is that students are overloaded with assignments. I am not an exception: Yesterday, I had to stay until 3 a.m. and prepare for Biology quiz, which requires a lot of memorizing. It’s not that I hate biology, but the thing is that I do not like memorizing, at all. Then I had to wake up at 6 am, put on a coat, and jog 4km in our school’s field track. That was tiresome ENOUGH for me. Really, sleeping for only 3 hours, and running 4 kilometers in freezing dawn is a definite torture. This ongoing torture throughout the semester is what put me into a big trouble. So now, let me tell you my excuses, that I am NOT a pervert.

Last night, as I was preparing for my biology quiz, I felt extremely enervated by incessant assignments in KMLA. Simply, I could not focus. All those cell diagrams seemed like a jelly, and I found myself dosing off every moment I read a paragraph. So, I tried to stay awake by listening to the new song of Eminem : the rap god. Usually, this song was my favorite, but last night, this song felt extremely dreadful to me. The fact of using this lovely song as a mere tool for helping me to stay up late, and trying to get a good score for one of numerous assignments was awful. Anyway, I digress: I believe all that exhaustion and feeling of awfulness made my brain to malfunction today. After taking the biology quiz, I felt the desperate need to poop.

‘Did I eat something wrong yesterday?’

So I ran into a bathroom near me, without checking the gender type, and started to outlet the ‘things’ inside my stomach. I locked the door of the toilet, as usual. Surely, it’s not “gentlemen-ish” to unlock the door and poop. Then, I found something written on the door.

But dear, please recall when your heart longs for me
That you were the center of this bitterness, a spring of blue,
When your introspective glasses fail to serve you anymore,
Waste some time over blaming yourself and your deeds
For as Sartre said, "Other people are hell" with such integrity
You were a permanent bell for me, a stake with fire

It was a sweet, touching poem. So I decided to continue reading.

Wish everyone was like Mr. Tame
I miss him, really
So I sing this song
What's your name, Mr. Tame
May I tame you, Mr. Tame
I wish we were the same
Just imagine it's a game
It would be such a shame
If you came back Mr. Tame

Then, I burst out into laughter. Mr. Tame was our biology teacher, and I bet someone who hates biology, just like me, wanted to make joke out of him. I was expecting more joke on Mr. Tame, so again, I continued reading.

Friends should be just friends
Don't make love
You're my love, boy~

I can be friend with you, boy
I really love you, boy
I can give you such a joy
I can be your toy
Please be a friend with me, boy
It will be such a glory

‘What kind of weird poem is this?’ I was expecting a mockery on Mr. Tame, but the poem suddenly turned into a homosexual love story.

Should we play a game, boy?
Called the fire-fighter's car game, it is boy
Call the red-light if you feel endangered, boy
Call it on the top of your lungs, boy
But one thing, boy
The fire truck does not stop at red, boy
You are forever my toy, boy

‘Oh, my god. This poem is so inappropriate.’

I recalled the moment when I played fire-fighter’s car game with my best friend, Antonio. Antonio, as a hater of homosexuality, almost freaked out when we played this game together. Recalling those moments, I couldn't help myself but to turn on the music and dance. I know it sounds strange, but reading such a hilarious (and definitely weird) poem, I couldn’t help myself but to dance. Though I made a mistake of not washing my butt entirely, I was enjoying myself, until when

“Urr… Who’s in there?”

Now, this was the moment where I should have had my mouth shut. Unfortunately, I didn’t. I thought it was Antonio trying to play prank on me.

“Hey, Antonio~ Do you want to play the fire-fighter car game?”

“Urr… I am first of all, not Antonio, and secondly, the fire-fighter car game is for boys. Now whoever you are, please get out of the toilet, because I am urgent.”

“No, no Antonio. I want to play the game with you. Come on, Antonio.”

“Seriously, this is girl’s bathroom, and if you keep on playing the homosexual prank, I am going to talk to the school counselor.”

Then all of the sudden, my mind went blank. Did she just say ‘girl’s bathroom’? I started to worry about all possible scenarios: none of them was good. I could not think of a single plan to escape from this situation. So, I just decided to confess.

“Umm… whoever you are, I want to say that all I am doing is not on purpose. I think I accidentally came into another gender’s bathroom, where I should have been in the men’s bathroom.”

The rest, I do not want to say no more. Definitely, I had a long time talking with my parents, the school counselor, and the school principle. Not only that, but I feel that girls are starting to avoid me. How shameful. Blame Mr. Tame and his dreadful biology quizes.

Please, for what I’ve done, please forgive me.

I beg you, sincerely.